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A Man's Rules

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Dr. Dazzle, Feb 28, 2002.

  1. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    I got this in an email. I thought some of it was pretty funny. I'm sure some of you have seen it before, but for those who haven't, maybe it'll make you laugh......

    A Man's Rules....

    >Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally
    killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    > Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    > It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
    c. After wrecking your boss' car.
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    e. When your Date is using her teeth

    > Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
    friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    > If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
    off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

    >The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's
    running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a
    girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she
    scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

    >Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is

    >No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
    another man (in fact, even remembering your Mate's birthday is
    strictly optional).

    >On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
    not the weakest.

    >When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
    may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    >You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
    brought her to climax.

    >If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
    flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    >It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
    you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a
    topless supermodel...and it's free.

    >Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    >Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    >If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see

    >Women who claim to "love to watch sports" must be treated as
    spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.

    >You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death
    of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

    >A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    >Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

    >If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    >Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    >Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    a.Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
    d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

    >Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    >Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

    >The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
  2. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
  3. vinyl junkie

    vinyl junkie Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 17, 2002 Messages: 4,725 Likes Received: 0
    werd, werd, werd, and werd...
  4. idonotlikeu

    idonotlikeu Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 1, 2001 Messages: 1,874 Likes Received: 0
    word to most of it.. most.
  5. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    >Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is

    whatever man...
    If he's drinking some girlie (light or flavored) beer, you HAVE to break his balls a little.

    If you bitch about it, you better not take one.
    (unless you've run out of the beer you brought over)
  6. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    hhhmmm....i made it throught the first two sentances....im going to the porn shop now

    REGULATOR Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 6, 2001 Messages: 3,383 Likes Received: 0
    >Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

    d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

  8. Pistol

    Pistol Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 12, 2001 Messages: 19,363 Likes Received: 299
    Maxim Stuff or FHM I can't remember.
    Good TRUE stuff.
  9. Iris

    Iris Banned

    Joined: Sep 2, 2001 Messages: 888 Likes Received: 1
    angelina gets but naked and jumps around and ALSO engages in hot lesbian sex in a HBO movie called gia. i own it.
  10. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    ewwww.....angelina jolie is gross
  11. Iris

    Iris Banned

    Joined: Sep 2, 2001 Messages: 888 Likes Received: 1
    you mus be retarded
    she is perfect
  12. cherriemagik

    cherriemagik New Jack

    Joined: Feb 18, 2002 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 0
    angelina jolie is a fucking goddess.
  13. Dee Snyder

    Dee Snyder Guest

  14. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3

    whatever trevor.....

    She looks like a skeleton. Her face is flat and bony with no shape to it at all. She's got huge man lips that make her look like she got punched in the mouth. She's got no tits and no ass, and, well, she's just ugly.....

    yeah, I said it......
  15. seppuku

    seppuku Member

    Joined: May 11, 2000 Messages: 718 Likes Received: 0