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a little astrology for the weekend

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Oct 19, 2001.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    .....yeah you hate or love it.....r.

    ARIES (March 21-April 19)

    People are drawn to you now because they want to be resuscitated, incited, even thunderstruck. They secretly hope you'll be the strong, tasty medicine they're half-afraid of. They want you to be like a time-release miracle drug that goes on working long after they've swallowed you whole. So what would you get out of providing such a wonderful service? First, a chance to bolster and refine your integrity; if you're going to have that much influence, you'll have to be sure you're acting with the purest motivations. And secondly, Aries, you'll receive paybacks--although sometimes indirectly--in the form of gifts and love.


    TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

    Beware of mounting desires to stuff your face with chocolate and ice cream. Guard against a growing fondness for sugary emotions and syrupy words. You should even be skeptical of any attractions you might have for niceness and innocence. It's not that any of these longings are inherently wrong, of course--just that they'd be counterproductive unless they're mixed with stronger measures. What you really need is a rough, tough sweetness. A wild, robust sweetness. A sweetness that can kick ass and move mountains.


    GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

    Ready to become a more powerfully vulnerable lover? The astrological time is ripe. Here are some hints to facilitate you. As much as you've been hurt when you've had your heart broken in the past, you should also be grateful. That stinging sadness has helped make you more sensitive to both your own feelings and those of other people; it has shaped you into a more compassionate soul who's acutely attuned to how fragile we all are. If you're lucky, the romantic sorrows of old have made you so brave you're now willing to risk everything for real love. You've become smart enough to act is if there's nothing more important than opening yourself to a beauty that excites your deepest reverence.


    CANCER (June 21-July 22)

    You don't need my mothering. You don't need clucking advice or the crotchety voice of experience or famous experts' tips on how to change yourself. In fact, my dear Cancerian, you don't need anything or anyone unless they fuel your serious quest to have more fun. I use the word "fun" advisedly, knowing that in common parlance it implies frivolous distraction and the compulsive pursuit of consumer fantasies. But in Brezsny's Dictionary for Hope Fiends, "fun" is defined as follows: "a guilt-free encounter with delight that raises your IQ by inspiring you to break out of your limited self-image and ask for more than you've ever dared."


    LEO (July 23-Aug 22)

    You haven't been asking the wrong questions, exactly. It's just that you haven't been asking the most precisely relevant questions. So naturally you're not getting fabulously useful answers. Want to borrow some of mine? Try these: 1. What information or experience would you need in order to heal your divided sense of home? 2. How can you attract into your life the person or influence that'll motivate you to make the root changes you seem unable to accomplish under your own power? 3. How can you burn away the 90 percent of your fear that's all in your mind so you can concentrate on the other 10 percent that's really worth worrying about?


    VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22)

    I see it as your job to make a mess-- a constructive, interesting mess, of course--in any place that's beginning to resemble a museum. Not that I'd be so irresponsible as to suggest you do this in an actual museum. I don't think you should literally turn paintings upside-down or spray-paint the bust of a Greek god. But imagine pulling off the benevolent equivalent of these pranks in an environment where excessive order and decorum are causing an increasingly painful decline in soulful, spontaneous vitality. Try a little healing mischief, please.


    LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22)

    [Editor's note: To mark the start of a new chapter in your own personal Book of Love, Libra, we're reviewing some useful guidelines. Last week's horoscope dealt with what love is not; this time we'll cover what love is.] Love thrives when neither partner takes things personally, so please cultivate your devotion to forgiveness and divest yourself of the urge to blame. Love is a game in which the rules keep changing, so be crafty and improvisational as you stay alert for each unexpected twist of fate. Love enmeshes you in your partner's unique set of karmic complications, so make sure you're very interested in his or her problems. Love is a laboratory where you can uncover secrets about yourself that have previously been hidden, so be ravenously curious.


    SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)

    The writing is on the wall. In case you're having trouble deciphering the graffiti-style script, I'll translate: "Knock this damn wall down. It ain't protecting you from what you fear and it's isolating you from what you love." What do you think of that, Scorpio? I'll tell you my opinion: You should do what the message demands--and more. Once you get the hang of destroying rock-solid illusions, I suggest you keep demolishing. A good choice for your next target would be the mental block that's prevented you from bidding goodbye to a pretty lie. After that, how about toppling that jerk on a pedestal?


    SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)

    Scholar Robert Graves tells us that "In ancient Ireland, the ollave, or master-poet, sat next to the king and was privileged, as none but the queen was, to wear six different colors in his clothes." The ollave, he adds, was also a judge and seer, and tutored the king in morality. In contrast, our culture relegates poets to the margins of every debate. After September's terrorist attack, for example, only Maya Angelou, in an ephemeral appearance on Nightline, managed to crack the procession of pundits, lawyers, and politicians that dominated the airwaves. I propose, Sagittarius, that we're all suffering from a dearth of lyrical, non-literal views. You of all people can't afford to tolerate this soul-killing ambiance. For God's sake, drink in good poetry a.s.a.p. Suggestions: Rumi, Hafez (also spelled "Hafiz"), Neruda, Mary Oliver, David Whyte, Robert Bly.


    CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19)

    You're like a dream-weaver who has just remembered you're dreaming. You're like a singer with the power to deliver lyrical wake-up calls that are as tender as a lullaby. You're like a wizard in possession of an elixir that will bestow disciplined enthusiasm on whoever drinks it. You're like an inspired foreman who has had a vision of how your employees can be motivated to do even better work and enjoy their jobs more.


    AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)

    All signs point up, Aquarius. So do the metaphors. When I asked my meditating mind to provide images to match your astrological omens, three bubbled to the surface of my awareness: spawning salmon leaping their way upstream and ascending a waterfall; angels struggling to climb a frayed rope ladder to the cupola of a hovering hot-air balloon; and a boy in medieval garb arduously shimmying up a towering beanstalk leading to a castle in the clouds. Here's my interpretation: Though you'll have to push hard to accomplish it, you're destined for a higher perch and a sweeping vista. Halloween costume suggestions: spawning salmon, an angel holding a ladder, Jack of "Jack and the Beanstalk" fame.


    PISCES (Feb 19-March 20)

    Can the human aura be seen by talented psychics who have opened their third eyes? Maybe, though I don't know for sure. I myself am unimpeachable evidence, however, that auras can be sniffed by those who have activated their second noses. In fact, I can smell your aura all the way from here. It's pungent but enticing, zesty and brisk. It reminds me of a fragrance I once enjoyed while in the presence of an inspired artist--a blend of oil paints and turpentine, espresso and pizza, night-blooming jasmine in the garden outside, and the tangy mix of sweat and endorphins wafting from the genius at work. My interpretation: You are primed to create a tour de force that will dramatically expand your world.
  2. BROWNer

    BROWNer Guest

    whoa...mine mentions graffiti...
    these are always amusing....
    i've been destroying rock solid illusions
    for a long time........
    no mental block from a lie either.
  3. beardo

    beardo Guest

    these things freak me out every week.
  4. kaesthebluntedwonder

    kaesthebluntedwonder Elite Member

    Joined: May 16, 2000 Messages: 3,066 Likes Received: 1
  5. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2000 Messages: 9,256 Likes Received: 2
    you know... i usually read the first statement and dismiss this shit as fiction but i know that there are 3 breakdowns of each sign and mine is fucking dead on. www.amazon.com peep the birthday book and the relationship book. it'll bake your noodles...
  6. shameless self promotion

    shameless self promotion 12oz Legend

    Joined: Mar 7, 2001 Messages: 16,307 Likes Received: 112
    "You're like a wizard in possession of an elixir that will bestow disciplined enthusiasm on whoever drinks it."

    hahahahahhahahahahahahahha...jeeebus..im throwing a kegger this weekend too?!?! who knew this stuff accually works..
  7. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

    "You are primed to create a tour de force that will dramatically expand your world."

    give it to me straight doc,
    what the fuck is it talking about?
  8. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2000 Messages: 9,256 Likes Received: 2
    allright you cut and paste nerds...

    How can you attract into your life the person or influence that'll motivate you to make the root changes you seem unable to accomplish under your own power?
  9. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

    you gotta do it yourself or it doesn't mean a thing.

    take this from a grade A top of the line slacker. i don't do shit...since i was a kid i've been waiting for someone to come along and make me try new things and get me involved. after a while i realized that it ain't gonna happen. every weekend i'll pick one thing that i have to get done no matter what. nothing else can get in the way...drinking, drawing, painting, nothing.

    it may be something as small as getting my ass up and doing the overdue laundry, trying a hopbby, exploring the city, or choosing a life plan...but get it done or punch yourself in the gonads.

    i'm stayin alive
  10. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    haha, i was reading mine, im like shit, thats got a lot of meaning to whats going on, then i went on and read all of them, they all had lots of meaning to my life except 2 of them.
  11. *see-phore*

    *see-phore* Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 7, 2001 Messages: 1,182 Likes Received: 0
    mine said i was a pimp, and when i tried to get my bling bling from a ho she punched me in the face!
    mine said something about spray face

    SIELOETTE Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 13, 2000 Messages: 1,107 Likes Received: 0
    unexpected twist of fate huh? hmmm..
  13. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2000 Messages: 9,256 Likes Received: 2
    i've been reading all manner of books on what i'm supposed to be like because of my birthdate. it's really pretty interesting and i'm finding it to be a healthy tool in answering some 'so maybe's'...

    in reality you are who you eat but at least this is telling me whom i'm fond of...

  14. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 14, 2000 Messages: 17,017 Likes Received: 177
    man, Joker has that book, and last year on my birthday, ironically, he broke it out and we all were checking stuff... anyway, I found the entry pertaining to me to be wholly depressing. Seriously, it's fucked with my sense of self-esteem for nearly a year now...
  15. jades_blue

    jades_blue Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 1,019 Likes Received: 0
    so real, it scares me.

    I'm due for some mountain moving sweetness.