Poop Man Bob Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I was flipping through last month's Esquire and this jumped out. Numbers one through twenty were taken verbatim from the magazine. Add as you see fit: The Flaming Lips play at every wedding. Every employee at Home Depot knows where the two-inch nails are or their checks don't clear. More colors for pandas, less colors for peacocks. Anyone who uses the word absotively dies within a year. Elevators can go sideways. The only time we see a man's feet is during Flintstones reruns. Our penises are also felt-tip pens. Oil and water not only mix, they're best friends. Old batteries are edible ... and delicious! Bowel movements smell like lavender. The second line in a haiku has eight syllables. No more humming. No more of the appendix-bursting bullshit. It only takes one to tango. If people are talking too loud and you stare at them, they burst into flames. Piñatas yell "Ow!" when they're hit. All foods, not juts cereal, have prizes inside. You can put your nipples wherever you want on your body. Drinking too much makes you feel peppy and energetic the next day. A-list actresses have to have sex with anybody who can name all the Radiohead albums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BackSeatBebe Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Wear a pager, this praying thing just isnt working Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 all women are born bisexual and are into threesomes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krie Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Dogs 'meow' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Sunday service is moved to Monday during football season only. All churches will come equiped with Jumbotrons and all praying will involve teams playing. Beer is priced moderately. Everytime a touchdown is scored a giant mechanical jesus shoots fire from his mouth while who let the dogs out blasts over the organs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Afflict OunceAddict with AIDS or Sars. Maybe a combination of both? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
destroya Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 give me an array of badass superpowers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metallix Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 http://www.funkyfresh.com/photos/brock.jpg'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dazzle Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Numbers 4 and 20 get my vote..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_habiT Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hey what are they talking about my penis IS a felt tip pen.... and that shit's not funny. :lick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2ten Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Originally posted by mr.yuck Sunday service is moved to Monday during football season only. All churches will come equiped with Jumbotrons and all praying will involve teams playing. Beer is priced moderately. Everytime a touchdown is scored a giant mechanical jesus shoots fire from his mouth while who let the dogs out blasts over the organs. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Powers of invisibility and flight to those who are very nice. Scabs taste more salt and vinegary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 19 and 20 would rank far higher on my list. I'm sure I'll have more suggestions later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
$360 Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 hahahahah poop thats the funniest shit ive read in a long time its even better because all i can see in my head is you pulling a little army man out of a burger or something(17) i think this should be a photoshop contest, try and put PMB into any of these 20 situations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 $360: Number 18 More suggestions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telo Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 pmb.. that is.. uhhhhhh.. it just is .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOZACK Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 give me a helmut lang tree to plant in my back yard give me cigarettes that prevent cancer let me change my weight by simply wishing it give me a university that doesn't admit ugly, fat, and/or geeky people when i poo make money come out when i piss make vodka come out (wait that happened last weekend) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOZACK Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 oh and magically make new orleans rise from 200 ft below sea level please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Re: $360: Originally posted by Poop Man Bob Number 18 More suggestions! You crazy kids! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 hahahaha... yo poopmaner.... the funniest thing in that entire issue was the article on pirates. 'Are all american football teams named after pirates?' 'No.. it's not like we're the canadians who call every single team the roughriders for no apparent reason'. I wish that the [supreme power] would lighten up on the gravity rules once in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I suggest that the almighty power let me go back and undo my mistakes after I have already made them and learned my lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Bruno Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Please, no more local commercials on daytime T.V. As a matter of fact, I would love to see daytime T.V. done away with completely. Thank you, I love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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