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50 things that GUYS wish GIRLS knew

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by _nightcrawler, Jun 10, 2006.

  1. _nightcrawler

    _nightcrawler Elite Member

    Joined: Aug 29, 2005 Messages: 3,772 Likes Received: 8
    1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.

    2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.

    3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.

    4. Shave your pussy. Seriously, shave it bald.

    5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.

    6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.

    7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.

    8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.

    9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.

    10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.

    11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.

    12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.

    13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.

    14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.

    15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.

    16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.

    17. Once again, seriously shave your pussy.

    18. Just cause you get our period one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.

    19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.

    20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.

    21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.

    22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.

    23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).

    24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.

    25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.

    26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.

    27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.

    28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.

    29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.

    30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.

    31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.

    32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.

    33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.

    34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.

    35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.

    36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.

    37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.

    38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.

    39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.

    40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.

    41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.

    42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a Porno instead of a movie.

    43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.

    44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm

    45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.

    46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.

    47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.

    48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your pussy!

    49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.

    50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
     
  2. Jackson

    Jackson Veteran Member

    Joined: May 21, 2002 Messages: 7,345 Likes Received: 122
    Haha 'a kiss for granny'!
     
  3. garlic prawns

    garlic prawns Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 20, 2006 Messages: 1,803 Likes Received: 1
    like a bull dog eating mayonaise.
     
  4. lord_casek

    lord_casek 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jan 24, 2006 Messages: 27,078 Likes Received: 1,007
    that is comedy gold.
     
  5. madsencarl

    madsencarl Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 3, 2006 Messages: 2,059 Likes Received: 62
    legendary post. my fingers stink, ugh.
     
  6. skullnbones

    skullnbones Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 20, 2004 Messages: 3,759 Likes Received: 53

    this is fucking sensational.
     
  7. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
    anyone here actuallly ever pull of the fabled donkey punch?
     
  8. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
  9. r00t

    r00t Member

    Joined: Aug 17, 2004 Messages: 733 Likes Received: 0
    fabled? it works
     
  10. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Banned

    Joined: Nov 17, 2001 Messages: 13,352 Likes Received: 0
    this is becoming a myspace bulletin.. more of these model sluts need to know... and the good girls as well
     
  11. r00t

    r00t Member

    Joined: Aug 17, 2004 Messages: 733 Likes Received: 0
    next time you see me, my girlfriends gonna give you dirty looks

    you know she reads my myspace

    hawaiian people are the nosiest people in the fucking world i swear to god
     
  12. 1/4FareMetrocard

    1/4FareMetrocard 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Feb 6, 2006 Messages: 12,962 Likes Received: 690
    YES!!!!!!!!!!
     
  13. WrIot

    WrIot Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 2, 2002 Messages: 1,045 Likes Received: 0

    of course they are...nothing goes on in their native country eccept big waves.
     
  14. Flavicon

    Flavicon Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 18, 2005 Messages: 2,367 Likes Received: 18
    i'm gonna print this out and leave it on my girlfriend's dresser
     
  15. Flavicon

    Flavicon Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 18, 2005 Messages: 2,367 Likes Received: 18
    ...after some editing though, some of these i don't agree with
     
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