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50 reasons why it's great to be a man

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Abracadabra, Apr 2, 2002.

  1. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    if you've seen this before, don't bitch about cause i don't care

    It's great to be a bloke because:

    1. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

    2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

    3. Your last name stays put.

    4. The garage is all yours.

    5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

    7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    8. You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.

    9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

    10. Wrinkles add character.

    11. A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.

    12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

    13. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

    14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

    15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

    16. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

    17. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

    18. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

    19. You can appreciate great sport.

    20. You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.

    21. One mood, ALL the damn time.

    22. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

    23. You can open all your own jars.

    24. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.

    25. You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

    26. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

    27. You can kill your own food.

    28. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    29. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

    30. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

    31. Everything on your face stays its original color.

    32. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

    33. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

    34. You don't have to clean your apartment if the electricity meter reader is coming.

    35. You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

    36. You don't mooch off other's desserts.

    37. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

    38. IF another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

    39. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

    40. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

    41. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

    42. A few grey hairs give us character, and don't result in a lifelong obsession to find the perfect hair colour.

    43. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    44. You don't have to shave below your neck.

    45. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

    46. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

    47. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

    48. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

    49. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

    50. Same job .... . more pay.

    The world is your urinal
  2. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    i'll sing along.

    piss anywhere we want.piss while we're walking if we want to..
  3. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25
    I must admit, that is one of the more intelligent "its great to be a bloke" lists I've seen

    but you can't win

    multiple fucking orgasms.ha

    (yeah I know some of you can do that, but not many)
  4. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113

    big deal. i'd rather have 50+ pros than that ONE con
  5. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25
    yeah, but WHAT a pro......................;)

    anyway, I wasn't going to muscle in on your thread with a 50 reasons its great to be female list, but now you asking for it. will post later
  6. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    bring it on. just make sure to change your tampon, shave your legs, shave your pits, dye your hair, and take a piss sitting down first :p
  7. dELiSs

    dELiSs Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 13, 2001 Messages: 2,898 Likes Received: 2
    well..i got out of a speeding ticket the other day... ... . . . .
  8. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2001 Messages: 7,578 Likes Received: 3
    guys can have multiple orgasms , its really not that hard
  9. sneak

    sneak Guest

    its all so true...

    also, girls u may get multiple orgasms, but who has to push sumthin the size of a watermelon through sumthin the size of a golf/tennis ball wen bringin new life into the world? not us 4 sho
  10. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25
    Reasons its great to be female

    sorry, I would have posted sooner but I got falling-down, throwing up drunk last night. Which brings me to my ffirst..........................

    1. You can get drunk SOOOO cheaply, because of a lower capacity, and you can sucker some fool into buying it for you

    2. You can give birth (yes its a good thing)

    3. Having given birth, if it erupts into a custody battle, you basically get the kids by default

    4. You have a much higher pain threshold

    5. You don't have this You Must Control Your Emotions bullshit

    6. You don't have to get involved in the Whoever Dies With The Most Stuff Wins competion

    7. You can see the wonderful irony of lads who laugh at you about periods - like you are a slave to your hormones - and then they spend all their money buying drink for some girl who doesn't sleep with them anyway...............

    8. Nobody sees the punch coming...................

    9. Girls are responsible for substantially less crime, so.....

    10. You are always less of a suspect than the nearest bloke...............

    11. You don't have to get involved in the constant dick measuring, ie cars, bike, tvs, sound systems, girls shagged, weight lifted, etc..

    12. You can fake an orgasm

    13. you can get really drunk and still have sex

    14. You appearance is your playground

    15. You live longer

    16. Your sexual peak is much later. I think I would kill myself at 20 if my sexual peak was at 18

    17. You don't have to buy everything with the word "TURBO" on it

    18. You know how to open a bra

    19. You aren't to proud to ask for directions

    20. You don't feel compelled to say you know how to fix major appliances

    21. Having killed your own food, you also know how to cook it...............

    22. Your hair stays put

    23. If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

    more later, I have to go out now. PS Mr ABC, I wouldn't EVER use a Tampon, NEVER. ACK
  11. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    hey..men give birth too.:(

    13. you can get really drunk and still have sex ..whether you like it or not..heh heh heh..:eek: sorry,im being stupid

    i was GODZILLA on 12oz...got me there.

    but i can still piss anywhere i want...

    men are better cooks

    our dicks dont smell like old tuna...

    you wonder why our piss smells?...its cause the fumes dont stick our ass.hahaha sitters

    guys dont hate each other like most girls do

    when we cry....we're heroic....but i can see where too much crying is annoying to you evil bitches

    guys are a step up the evolutionary chart.

    we dont wake up lookin ugly in the morning..hee hee
  12. kissmyass#1

    kissmyass#1 Senior Member

    Joined: Feb 8, 2002 Messages: 1,071 Likes Received: 0
    ahhhhh............ its great to be a man.:king:
  13. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25
    sorry to have to bring out the serious shit, but that just isn't true.

    There are always more women in a given population - because from an evolutionary point of veiw, females are more important. Fewer men are needed to keep a popultaion going.
    Women have more connections between the two sides of their brains, and are better at doing multiple tasks at once.
    Women can live longer on less water and food than men, and endure more pain.
    Womens digestive systems are far more developed than mens, this is to ensure that the most nutrition possible is gained from food

    all joking aside, women are better designed from an evolutionary point of veiw. This is because they carry the young
  14. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25
    if your girls smells like old tuna, its because she is unclean, not because she is female......
  15. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    ahhh ha!