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++ 2003 Darwin Awards (funny) ++

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by -Rage-, Sep 9, 2003.

  1. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 27
    I don't think this years awards were posted here. So here they are..

    :lol:



    For those of you not familiar with the Darwin awards, they are awarded annually for the most extreme act of (usually terminal)
    stupidity -they are now in for 2003....


    First Place - The 2003 Darwin Award Winner:

    When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in
    Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

    ---------------------------------------------
    And now, the honorable mentions:

    The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
    his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

    *********

    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
    woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    *********

    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
    transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
    wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    *********

    An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
    how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    *********

    A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
    drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
    from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a
    gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)

    *********

    A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
    "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.

    *********

    Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    *********

    As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
    the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
    put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
    from."

    *********

    The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
    demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
    ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

    *********

    Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene
    and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.

    *********

    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

    When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
     
  2. im not witty

    im not witty Guest

    that one about the bus driver got me good.
     
  3. MrChupacabra

    MrChupacabra 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 10, 2001 Messages: 10,940 Likes Received: 681
    all the darwin awards always give me a good chuckle.
     
  4. sneak

    sneak Guest

    i cant believe so many people are so stupid!
    how many were americans?? haha...
     
  5. Mr.Clean

    Mr.Clean Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2003 Messages: 462 Likes Received: 0
    the one about the train....thats fucking great. :lol:
     
  6. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest


    this one should go into Yard Safety.
     
  7. kemekill

    kemekill Member

    Joined: Feb 6, 2003 Messages: 419 Likes Received: 0
    hehe siphoning shit...now thats comedy!

    poop eater
     
  8. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 27


    If read them correctly... 10 out of 12.


    That's pathetic.
     
  9. fatbastard

    fatbastard Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 30, 2002 Messages: 2,879 Likes Received: 9
    is it just me?

    look at rages first post where he posts the darwin awards he has a signature, then look at the post above there is no signature.. wtf?
     
  10. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    there sure are a lot of dumb fucks in the world. i wonder how many entries there were to select from. funny shit.
     
  11. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 27
    Re: is it just me?

    What are you talking about?
     
  12. "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!"
     
  13. shaolinmasta

    shaolinmasta Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 26, 2003 Messages: 7,884 Likes Received: 157
    :lol: :lol: :lol: fucken hilarious


    stupid americans
     
  14. dukeofyork

    dukeofyork Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 9, 2000 Messages: 1,589 Likes Received: 1
    the reason we dont hear any aussie stories is cause this is typical of them....


    ;)


    (just fuckin with you..)
     
  15. Don't Panic

    Don't Panic Member

    Joined: Jun 2, 2003 Messages: 647 Likes Received: 0
    I love the Darwin Awards...hhahaha tesser posted the best one.
    The reason most of them are from America is probably because it is generated in america, by americans. Dumb people are everywhere, so you foreigners can stop fronting about it.
     
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