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° AIM Etiquette °

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by -Rage-, Jun 4, 2002.

  1. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 28
    Source: AIM Etiquette

    The away message is a fine art that has exploded onto the internet scene. I have been using the AIM (that's AOL Instant Messenger for all you amateurs) program so graciously created by the people at AOL(that's America Online) for some time now, and I have noticed the severe rise in away message utilization. Many use it well, others need a big knee to the groin because their away message etiquette is so horrible. After reading this article, you will be well on your way to away message excellence.

    On to the rules…

    Number 1: If you are going away from the computer, don't use the default "I am away from my computer."

    This is really fucking annoying…especially if you are gone for long periods of time, like days. Everyone will know you are away from the computer IF YOU AREN'T SIGNED ON, YOU FUCKING JACKASS!! I hate each and every one of you that uses the default away message. You have to realize that people right click on your name and choose the "Get Member Info" in hopes of being entertained and/or informed. When you use the default away message, you are ruining their hopes and dreams and you should be slapped across your ass with an acid coated ruler.

    Number 2: Be funny.

    No one cares that you are "out and about!!!" Make something up or actually be doing something funny. People don't like boring people like you with your generic away messages. I know it's harsh to base your opinion about someone on their away message, but it really says a lot about a person. Things like "Away," "Out," and other one-word nonsense should not be tolerated. If you ever use these or anything like them for an away message, expect to be physically harmed and realize that people don't like you. Not even your parents.

    Number 3: If you aren't funny, at least be informative.

    I realize that some people have no sense of humor and so I post rule number 3. I won't discriminate against you humorless beasts. If you happen to be, "Out and about," be a little more specific so your friends don't worry that you are being raped by a three hundred pound bus driver with severe hockey hair and a handlebar mustache. A simple, "At the mall," would suffice. Specificity is the key. The only exception to this rule is if you are away having anal sex. No one wants to hear this and you will probably lose some friends. The same goes for beastiality, child pornography, child molestation, necrophilia, etc.

    (Note: if you aren't really having anal sex, but are being funny through sarcasm, then it is ok to say you are having anal sex)

    Number 4: Never EVER leave your phone number.

    What are you thinking?? You don't know what kind of sexual predators are looking at your away message you moron! Also, many people, like myself, will call you and harass you and make you regret the day you put your phone number on the internet. I knew this one girl who left her phone number on her away message and she got really fat and annoying…oh wait, she was that way before she put up that away message. Nevermind.

    Number 5: Never quote a song.

    This is not ok. It violates both rules 2 and 3. No one gives a shit that you like whatever crappy song you quoted…especially if it's a shitty emo song. Think of something yourself instead of recycling an artist's work. The only time quoting a song is permissible is in your profile or alongside a valid away message. If it stands alone and I read it, I will probably get embarrassed for you like in those cheesy scenes in movies where people realize they were wrong and they apologize. Everyone hates that scene because it makes them feel so fucking uncomfortable because that NEVER happens in real life. Your away message will make them feel this way, but unlike the movie, they will hate you and not apologize.

    Number 6: Don't save your shitty, generic away messages.

    If you do happen to say, "Out and about!" once, please do everyone a favor and do not save it. You have read the rules and you should know that this is unacceptable. Go into your preferences and delete that away message from your saved list right now. And any others like it for that matter. Once may be forgiven, but repeated offenses will not be taken lightly. Seriously people, I will see to it that a pack of wild ostriches are released in your vicinity so they can peck out your eyeballs and eat your fingers to prevent you from ever typing a shitty away message ever again. Fuckers.

    Well, that's it for the rules. I can't think of any other things that are completely and utterly unacceptable. Basically, if you can't think of anything good, just sign off. Don't worry; you won't be missed. No one is rushing to see your witless away message because they know you are a boring person.
  2. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest


    zesto is [i]Out and about[/i]

  3. lil'moco

    lil'moco Junior Member

    Joined: Apr 12, 2000 Messages: 143 Likes Received: 0
  4. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    that's awesome!


  5. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
    <-= this person certainly knows whats up with away messages

    i totally do all of those things and it is good to see that other people know whats up.

    i hate it when kids are like "i went to the mall"



  6. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    Same thing goes with profiles, i change mine about once a week. I have noticed that writers rarely have profiles. ANd dont make your profiles dumb like: Hey im Bob I like playing soccer and hanging out at the mall. Hey to all my friends: mary gary shitface and snobrat. If I forgot anyone then im sorry.

    Thats dumb, try making somthing up thats cool.

    -MOE LESTER- Guest

    i have the best profile...complete with an "ugly person of the day" and some other shit...i have the best profiles, but lately its been slept on cus im lazy......my away messages include

    "im off fighting killer pandas that threaten the very existanse of your life"

    "im taking a shower with ali landry"

    "im currently involved in the intake of calories, proteins, and other junk that will be shit out of my body in 12 hours"

    "i like your mom..........so im having sex with her right now"

    "i am doing something that is more important than talking to you"
  8. test pattern

    test pattern Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 21, 2002 Messages: 3,975 Likes Received: 0


    Profiles are very fickle with me as well.

    I think the best approach to it is the huge network of target="_self" pages that make up your profile.

    I'm not talking about that SubProfile stuff... Practically the same thing, but home-made.
  9. :love2: i heart this thread. so many people just don't get it
  10. iCEBERG

    iCEBERG Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 22, 2001 Messages: 2,039 Likes Received: 0
    wow that was the stupidest most non informative and irrelevant peice of information i have ever read.

    that fucking dork needs to come up with some guidelines for creating threads
  11. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    its about time someone mentioned this very important issue
  12. GEAsusONEnep

    GEAsusONEnep Guest

    You kids desperately need to see some sunlight.
  13. el barto

    el barto Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 14, 2001 Messages: 2,627 Likes Received: 1
    the best is getting sn's of gurls you dont know from your friends and just saying wacky stuff to them, and when they get wierded out and stop responding just have a conversation with yourself. like ask questons and answer them, its funny my friend enlightened me with this style of talk, its great!
  14. JUWSE

    JUWSE Guest

    i like sending random friends into private rooms like: op, or room. just to mix things up a bit.
  15. platapie

    platapie Guest

    good show rage. i agree with you to the fullest on this one. peopel that have shitty mesgs and crap on tere away is just retarded. and when they are gone for 3 days and its still on burns me up.i havent encountered anyone leaveing there phone numbers yet.