Jump to content

Alcoholism


Step8

Recommended Posts

This forum is supported by the 12ozProphet Shop, so go buy a shirt and help support!
This forum is brought to you by the 12ozProphet Shop.
This forum is brought to you by the 12oz Shop.
  • 1 month later...

Finally considering putting down the booze, at least for a little bit. Went on a drunken rampage on Friday night, pissed off everyone in the only bar in town I like, to the point I woke up Saturday morning with 4 slashed tires and had to spend a few hundred bucks I didn't have on new tires and rims. This should be the last straw. Hopefully the shakes don't try to sway me away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been obsessing mentally about sex for about 10 years. Random one night stands, missed opportunites, falling short with the women I was with, older of younger. Some underage. It hit hard when I was at my peak, and didn't get it in with 50 women when I was 19.

 

I guess drugs got in the way. My first asked me not to use marijuana when we were dating, andI didn't even have a second thought. We were 17 and 16. Then I dealt with doubting my sexuality because of some mental and emotional problems. I experimented once, and knew that I was straight after that. Then I started hanging out with this bisexual friend of my older sister's, who was, not to my conciousness, deep in the game of turning girls and boys. I grew up in a Christian household, communed Catholic. Started using cocaine, and really and truly thought it would and had deeper faith in it, by the way, travel me along with the straighter and narrower path.

 

After all that, I used coke twice this year, and now I'm 27, and I'm looking back to look forward. It's the first time I've been absolutely clear and safe in my own heart, head, spirit, that I'm straight. I find myself going back to when I was a sober 11-14 year old, taking so much of my friends' and culture's beginning's high held standards, how low I was seen by those who left safely away from the dive bar years.

 

I'm worried about the next move with my relationships. Do I open up about my doubts? Do I tell her ever last detail? My safety 1st mentality says take it slow. I know a lot about taking it with a woman who has had years of similar emotional issues.

 

My drug habits are way lowered this year, and I think hard as ever about others' diversity in background about these types of things.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...
I've been obsessing mentally about sex for about 10 years. Random one night stands, missed opportunites, falling short with the women I was with, older of younger. Some underage. It hit hard when I was at my peak, and didn't get it in with 50 women when I was 19.

 

I guess drugs got in the way. My first asked me not to use marijuana when we were dating, andI didn't even have a second thought. We were 17 and 16. Then I dealt with doubting my sexuality because of some mental and emotional problems. I experimented once, and knew that I was straight after that. Then I started hanging out with this bisexual friend of my older sister's, who was, not to my conciousness, deep in the game of turning girls and boys. I grew up in a Christian household, communed Catholic. Started using cocaine, and really and truly thought it would and had deeper faith in it, by the way, travel me along with the straighter and narrower path.

 

After all that, I used coke twice this year, and now I'm 27, and I'm looking back to look forward. It's the first time I've been absolutely clear and safe in my own heart, head, spirit, that I'm straight. I find myself going back to when I was a sober 11-14 year old, taking so much of my friends' and culture's beginning's high held standards, how low I was seen by those who left safely away from the dive bar years.

 

I'm worried about the next move with my relationships. Do I open up about my doubts? Do I tell her ever last detail? My safety 1st mentality says take it slow. I know a lot about taking it with a woman who has had years of similar emotional issues.

 

My drug habits are way lowered this year, and I think hard as ever about others' diversity in background about these types of things.

 

This was heart felt, thanks for being candid, although I'm sure it was cathartic to write.

Sex is surely my addiction, I drink and smoke pot regularly, but have no problem going cold turkey.

I've done the things you spoke about ad nauseum, my hunger for vagina is insatiable it seems.

So many great nights and adventures, yet, the ones who got away or the lackluster mornings persist in the mind.

 

Drug use definitely makes things more complicated, i'm kinky/freaky enough naturally, but weed can turn

me into a sexual maniac at times.

 

Best advice I can give you, don't fret about it, some people will never know what good sex is like.

Be upfront with your lady, advice I live by. Some of the things I've told the mrs. weren't easy, there were

plenty of awkward talks, unfulfilled requests, and complicated smiles, but honesty really is the

best policy.

 

The way I see it, I rather lose my woman because I revealed who I am than keep her around under

the guise of being a half measure of myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Interviews are a two way thing, if you tanked it, do not beat yourself up about it right away. Give it a while and you will probably see things in a little different light, perhaps the interviewer was an asshole, perhaps the job was over or under your skill set despite your level of enthusiasm, all kinds of things can go wrong and most of them are beyond your control.

 

It is the worst kind of anxiety though, the after the fact with unknown variables variety.

 

Despite offering the illusion of making problems become forgotten I have found that when dealing with regret that suppressing my central nervous system with alcohol does not actually help me process the situation to arrive at any positive outcomes.

 

I also blew a potential job recently, I am not really wanting to move but an ideal job popped up. I sort of half-assed the process and may well have taken myself out of the running because of it. Such is life, I held back because of the most ridiculous idea of loyalty to my current boss and perhaps my career will pay the price, or perhaps I dodged the bullet on a shitty job...I may never know.

 

Congrats on the anniversaries to those that have em, I am still doing the sober thing but have not gone to meetings or anything for a long while now.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks guys. have had a bit of time to step away from it and talked to the sponsor and mostly resolved what happened. (that stuff = essential, always run your nonsense through someone else if you have the option...)

 

it was a bit my fault but also a terrible fit with the interviewer, who would have been my boss' boss. her and i weren't getting on at all and she hadn't reviewed my portfolio or any application materials prior to my arrival so i had to rush through them. not how i envisioned my introduction to this job, which is 10 minutes from my house and pays well (and is next to a good bench spot in my area). i'd built it up in my head to be the perfect job. but those high expectations were mine to set, and mine to fall from.

 

an experience like that sucks for anyone, in or out of recovery, but i'm grateful for a sober network that'll catch me when i get all up in my head.

 

good to see y'all. how you been @theprotester ????????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...
  • 4 months later...

Bumping this back up since it's been a while. Definitely RIP to POZ and Swords. Never met the former in real life but the latter was the homie. Just makes it sink in how real this shit actually is, it's all fun and games at first before addiction sets in.

 

Glad to see the updates on here though regardless, props to those of you who are still sober and much love to everyone who is still fighting and attempting.

The last time I posted here I was still using heroin and on methadone. I can proudly say now that I have been off both for a little over 2 years. Longest I've gone without doing drugs since I started doing drugs, definitely the longest I've been off heroin. Funny thing is, I have no desire to use anymore. Sure, I think about it some days, but it's not worth throwing away everything I've accumulated since I stopped using.

 

I will say though I'm not sober by NA/AA standards as I still drink, usually once or twice a week. I can't smoke weed anymore, for whatever reason the past like 5 times I tried, it just gave me panic attacks, so I said fuck it. I never really enjoyed it all that much anyways, it would always make me second guess everything I said.

 

I've been working, working out, that's about it. One thing I wanted to bring up was how I don't feel like I belong to the "normal" society. Like... I don't know how to really put it, kind of a strange feeling. I feel more at home with the addicts, the degenerates, whatever. Working a normal job and trying to meet healthy friends has proven tough, especially since I moved 1000 miles away. I was always good at finding other addicts, but when I meet new people (potential romantic interests especially) I just feel out of place. It doesn't help that dropping the, "I used to be a heroin addict" line on a girl I'm into is a huge bomb in itself. Anybody have thoughts or advice?

  • Like 1
  • Truth 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...